Nurse 911 with patient Magical Thinking by Joel Adlen

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Patient: Magical Thinking

Legal Guardian: Joel Adlen

Insurance: Pagepay Plus

Symptoms: Tense tarot tapping, French fussing

Diagnosis: Righteous Restaurant Revelations

Patient Description:

Because Life takes Strength! And Love— love is the real magic. Love and Life in this moment is what we really got.
— Vicki

Although short, sweet, and very straightforward, our most recent patient has shown signs of malnourishment. The intro was where I first detected trouble. The reader is dropped suddenly into this restaurant without much contextual buildup. Even though much of what is going on is explained later, it doesn't cure the awkwardness felt initially. Some of the dialogue came upon me as clunky and not very believable. Vicki doesn't really sell herself as a character. Mike switches from stubborn old trucker to being open-sesame minded about this "B.S" magic for his wife. It felt like too quick a change of heart. To the legal guardian I'd suggest they focus on improving each character's personality to be more believable while working to include more context in-between major plot points. 

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